Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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