"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
