i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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