I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't make out with my wife yet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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