Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
