I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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