my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
