Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Vodka?
Forever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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