Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
