my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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