ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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