please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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