If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
