Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
