Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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