dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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