We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
