All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
