even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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