Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
