Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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