He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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