How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
