turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
