Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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