When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm always down for nudity.
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