You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
