I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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