ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize