she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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