Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
