if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No stitches, just platelets and will power
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
