there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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