Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
