The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
