How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
where are my eyebrows?
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