I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
