never play flip cup with pint glasses
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We have so much sex to catch up on
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
