we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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