peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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