Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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