yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
