i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
