And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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