we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
