he shaved USA in his pubs
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
