Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
