some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
