Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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