I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just pee around me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
