Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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