I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
