all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
