it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
