please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
