Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I want to fling myself into the sun
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
