I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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