I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
