I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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