somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
