Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
